Just thinking about how grateful I am for God's sovereignty...that He knows what He is doing, even when we can't see or understand. I find myself thinking back this week...remembering. October 29th, 2007 was my due date with baby #2. And so far we haven't gotten to meet that child. But while it was so difficult to go through that loss, I give praise and thanks to a God who had redemption in store--beauty for ashes. The oil of gladness in exchange for mourning. Our Aila Grace is redemption in human skin.
I don't know why my pregnancy with Trevor was uneventful...but I'm grateful. I took it for granted at the time, but now I know what a blessing and gift it was...what a blessing and gift HE is. And then there's Aila, whose presence is a reminder that the Lord leaves nothing undone. She wouldn't be here if we hadn't suffered loss. God is extraordinarily good.
Some say there's no point in looking back--and there would be no point if it didn't bring up in me a great gratitude for what I DO have, as well as for what awaits me in Heaven. Remembering our son we haven't held yet and cherishing the two little ones we get to hold each day--these things need not be mutually exclusive. Remembering doesn't mean I'm living in the past. Remembering keeps me in awe of my sovereign God TODAY.
October 29th will never be a "black armband" kind of day to me. Nor is it a day that I'll just sweep under the rug. It is a joyous day that reminds me of blessings and hope. All praise to a God who loves us enough to give us the Jeremiah 29:11 kind of life!
I keep silence in respect for your great loss, but inwardly resonate with rejoicing over your written worship of a Sovereign God.
ReplyDeleteMay He be with you in a very special way on Wednesday. Hug your babies extra tight.